pay atztention to the screen it is important
gogdamned paparazzi know what i do on a saturday night
adopted a kid
hes from some jungle in africa or something exotic
wanted to call him aiden cocaine which is a totally badass name for a superstars kid but everyones trying to smartass me about how this is gonna put him in some horrib mental crisis horseshit
so geromy cocaine it is
3 months ago · 0 notes
because calvin did it too and the poem is perfect io guess
omg youre perfect
you know you could have both
roses are red
violets rock
come over baby
and jump on my cock have the most romantic dinner of your life with me
ITS VALENTINES DAY (in most places) SO ASK ME AWKWARD QUESTIONS.
- 1. Who was your first kiss and what was it like?
- 2. Are you in a relationship? If so, are you happy?
- 3. Do you have a crush?
- 4. Who is your crush?
- 5. Are you a virgin?
- 6. What do you think of Valentine's Day?
- 7. Who is your Valentine?
- 8. Have you ever asked anyone out?
- 9. Who is your celebrity crush?
- 10. Has anyone ever asked you out and you turned them down?
- 11. Do you think anyone has a crush on you right now?
- 12. What is your favorite thing to do on Valentine's Day?
- 13. What's the best Valentine's Day that you've had so far?
- 14. What's your idea of a perfect date?
- 15. How do you know when you're in love?
- 16. Have you ever loved someone on a romantic level?
- 17. Do you prefer more or less clingy relationships?
- 18. Do you feel like you're loved on an everyday basis?
- 19. Are you usually the first person to make a move.
- 20. Have you ever asked someone out and they turned you down?
- 21. Do you feel like you're the dumpee or dumper most of the time?
- 22. What's your "type"?
- 23. What are some of your favorite physical characteristics for your crush to have?
- 24. Are you a hopeless romantic?
- 25. Do you think that you're a good kisser?
- 26. What's the farthest that you've ever gone?
- 27. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
- 28. Have you ever been someone's secret admirer?
- 29. Do you have romantic fantasies? If so, what are they like and who is in them?
- 30. What's something that always turns you on?
3 months ago · 52,552 notes · Source
valentuesday you fat nasty trash
got myself a ferrari for valentinesday
sounds great but it aint
i already have 5 ferraris
now im mad at myself cause i suck at making presents
relationshit all over
3 months ago · 0 notes
ACTA
just had a discussion with my bromate with benefits ben stiller about acta
since im the bizallin owner of strider media folks might take the wildest of guesses and say this whole huge cocksuck was my idea
nope
no matter what might or might not be true about the intimate relationship between my mouth and male genitalia this particular cocksuck went down without me taking part in it
neither active nor passive
if you say it did ill sue the fuck outta you cause when we keep to the metaphor itd be rape or something (as if i needed a reason to sue anyone back to stoneage anyways)
i dont even need to worry bout law enforcement on poor unwitting creatures who download any of my intellectual property
its not the act of downloading sbahj the moive or streaming it or whatever
what is illegal is the act of being high enough to download it
so yeah
i dont need acta
you dont need acta
and heres the completely fucking subtle hint that another company is lobbying for the whole thing
and its not the lalonde publishing either
hint hint hint in your face
3 months ago · 0 notes
God I’ve shown this picture so many times but it never gets old. And I haven’t talked about it in at least 6 months so it’s time for another round.
It’s a wooden cut out family at the beach in California somewhere and the mom and dad and sister are totally normal and examining beach objects and then, on the fringes, is the fucking horrifying brother laughing w/ boogie board in tow. So out of place. So terrifying.
I feel like having seen this in real life, I have an impossibly high bar for comedy because I know exactly how hilarious a thing can be, and this is the fucking pinacle.
this is so bad i feel like i made this while i was sleepwalking
3 months ago · 36,095 notes · Source